He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You ruined the universe
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
