i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You took a bar mat shot.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
