I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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