i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
