arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
