Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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