it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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