I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
