I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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