Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
