So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
