Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you win again, gameday.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
