I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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