my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
