just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
pop tarts are not kleenex
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
