And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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