if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
