I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Drunk is not a location!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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