i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
