your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
