I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
