was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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