yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
