Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
