I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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