Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
