I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
