Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
