Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
