She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
jump out the window naked night went bad
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