You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
