you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
