Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
