i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
