So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
