SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We're too hungover to prance.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
