so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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