she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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