She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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