We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
