there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
