I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This can only be settled by a dance off.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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