I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
