Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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