you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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