Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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