The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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