Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
