About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
