WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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