Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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