My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
