You really coming over, don't trick.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
