Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
