they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
