I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
