Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
