She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
