Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
my liver is dry heaving
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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