That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
