whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
