Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
