Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
