i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
