you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
