She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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