My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
