I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
