Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
