Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
