Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
