Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
