Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
