you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
