I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
