these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
