it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
