How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
